Stay soft, not strong
I blinked and the summer was gone. You?
I do so hope there has been warmth and deliciousness for you and your beloveds this summer. How is the back-to-school vibe in your house?
From my conversations with every parent I’ve encountered in the past few days, there’ve been two very clear themes:
For the kids in the house, there are a lot of big feels around the transition back to school.
For the parents, a sense of relief in the regularity and rhythm the school year provides.
How are you feeling about it all?
I’m feeling…clearer. Yes, there are feels about bridging from summer to school. Yes, there is some relief, along with loss too as I so adore these days with my daughters. But more than that, I feel clarity around what I need.
How so? I’ve learned (again) a crucially important lesson these past warm months: when things get tougher, go softer.
What do I mean? This summer was a real doozy of a time for our fam. My husband’s schedule got flipped in a really unpredictable, last-minute way that deeply challenged our family choreography. And, we had planned our kid’s camps around his original schedule, as he has been the main dropper-offer and picker-upper.
With the unexpected, two-days-before-summer changes, we felt the scramble and crunch of it all. One car, two kids, two different camp locations, five jobs between the two of us… now what?
But here’s where the learning comes in: when the scheduling became more difficult, I didn’t take my foot off the gas. I didn’t say, “well, this is tough so I’m going to make all the other things going on gentler.” I just plowed ahead, full-tilt, as if the schedule we’d originally planned for was still happening. I didn’t shift deadlines, I didn’t think to rest more. I just kept going.
What happened? You guessed it: summertime burnout! I was utterly spent by August. No gas left in the tank at all.
The gift for me was a life lesson I really needed to learn (again). This time though, I think it’s going to stick.
This past week, I turned down a freelance commission to write an article on winter wellbeing. Initially, I asked for an extension as their hoped-for due date was the first day of the learning+happiness class I teach at Toronto Metropolitan University. (Even asking for that additional time felt big.) But then I let it sit for a day, and it was clear: I was doing what I always do. “Yes,” “yes,” “yes,” without looking at the context.
In the next few weeks, I will have that extra energetic output of supporting my kids ease back in. And, there’s my lecturing. But there are also other deadlines: my Awakened Learning team of strategists is getting booked up, my second book is coming out, my kids’ dance classes start back up again. September is… a lot. For everyone.
Even though I’ve been learning it the hard way, I’m beginning to see it more clearly: my patterns, and my choice points. When times get more compressed, and when the context is fuller than usual, it’s not that I need to ramp up my determination (my usual go-to), nor is it that I need to get hyper-efficient. Instead, I need to insist on more space, soothing, and softness.
So I commit, for this month ahead—in direct response, counterbalance, and compassion to all of its built-in busyness—to go to bed earlier, be cautious in what I agree to, and lean into more nos than yeses.
What can you soften this September? What grace can you give yourself? What extra ease can you book in?
Wishing you kind learning,
Deena